#10. One week before the trip, have a yard of sand delivered to your home. Sprinkle liberally in your bed, dresser drawers, and on the kitchen and bathroom counters. Add sand to your salt shaker, sugar bowl, and cereal boxes and use them as usual. Place garbage can lids of sand in front of your fans and run them continuously at maximum speed. 

#9. Rent a projection TV and illuminate the walls and ceiling of your bedroom with old Dracula movies, take particular note to the snake, spider, and bat scenes. 

#8. Have your friends form a long line. Then, systematically pass the entire contents of your home out the front, around the house, and back into the house through your back door. 

#7. With an industrial size brush and a bottle of bleach, wash, rise, and sterilize the hubcaps of your car thirty minutes after sunrise and immediately again after sunset every day for eight days. 

#6. With a large meat tenderizer, practice beating beer cans down to the diameter of a hockey puck.

#5. Sit on the hood of your car while riding through the car wash.

#4. Line your sandals with sandpaper and spend two hours a day on a Stairmaster. 

#3. Drape the allotted contents of your river clothes on the bushes and rocks in your back yard. Twice a day, practice changing while your neighbors watch. 

#2. With twenty-seven friends standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool, practice looking nonchalant as you carry on a conversation and pee simultaneously.

And the number one way to prepare for your trip... 

1. 1.Take a #2 in your upstairs waste paper basket, then, with your pants still around your ankles, run downstairs and pee in the tub.  
   

This was read to us on our last night and so perfectly describes our adventure.  We were told it was written by a 9 year “canyoneer” who ventured down the Colorado River long before us.